Employers say that GOOD GROOMING is a key factor in considering job applicants.  Beautiful people who smell good will have little trouble finding work, as long as they are charming, dress properly, and demonstrate a selfless veneration of their superiors, no matter how they look.  After all, looks aren’t everything. 

A "good lookin' out" checklist:

You can't skimp on cleanliness.  Even being a little stinky is a poor way to start any endeavor.  Bathe every day—and certainly on weekdays.  

Always use deodorant.  Carry an extra deodorant stick or spray applicator in your purse or briefcase, or, if your body odor is particularly offensive, in your pocket.

Have a million-dollar smile.  Brush your teeth, have a bottle of mouthwash in your desk, and consider porcelain caps. 

Shave every day—even if you don't have, or can't afford a new razor.  If you're in an especially tough spot, you can always shave with a shard of glass—your face will appear ruddy and robust!

Have handsome hair.  Every day, massage your head with a French non-greasy hair application.  Shampoo every other day—and every week, treat yourself to a trim!

Be physically fit, like a Calvin Klein model.

A helping hand has short nails and is thoroughly scrubbed.  Take pride in your clean hands, or you may find yourself working in the kitchen.


You begin to perspire as soon as you finish bathing?  Perspiration experts advise that deodorant must be applied immediately after bathing, and must be re-applied during periods of tension, excitement or frenzy.  Many employers consider deodorants that "cake" under armpits and other areas to be undesirable.  Try a few handfuls of medicated powder in your socks and underwear!  The correlation between talcum powder and Alzheimer’s disease is purely an alarmist speculation.*

* (Employers, print, and retain for your records.) 

Workplace literature is a valuable aid to workplace moral, hygiene and productivity.  As an employee, I understand that the opinions stated therein, generously provided by my employer, shall not be binding in any criminal or civil proceedings.


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